There is fantasy and there is bollocks

As you may have gathered, I read fantasy, stories about things that – in the main – just aren’t real. However, even my imagination has its limits. I received the following email today. Originally it was all in upper case characters, which I hate; so I have changed it to sentence case. Otherwise I've altered nothing. Here goes:

“Federal Bureau of Investigation

Intelligence Field Unit

J. Edgar Hoover Building

935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington , D.C.

Urgent attention: beneficiary

I am Special Agent John Edward from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Intelligence Unit, we have just intercepted and confiscated two (2) trunk boxes at JFK Airport in New York, and are on the verge of moving it to our bureau headquarter.

We have scanned the said boxes, and have found it to contain a total sum of $4.1 million and also backup documents which bears your name as the receiver of the money contained in the boxes, investigations carried out on the diplomat which accompanied the boxes into the United States has it that he was to deliver this funds to your residence as payment which was due you from unpaid contract, inheritance, lotto, loan, e.t.c

We cross-checked all legal documentation in the boxes, and were about to release the consignment to the diplomat,when we found out that the boxes is lacking two very important documentation which as a result, the boxes has been confiscated and reminded under our security vault

According to section 229 subsection 31 of the 1991 constitution in tax payment, your consignment lacks proof of ownership certificate and legal delivery permit clearance certificate from the joint team of the IRS and Homeland Security, and there for, you must contact us for direction on how to procure the two certificate, so that you can be relieved of the charges of evading tax which is a punishable offense under section 12 subsection 441 of constitution on tax evasion.

You are therefore required to get back to me on this email {agent.john_e0001@superposta.com} within 72hours, so that I will guide you on how to get the needed document. Failure to comply with our directive may lead you into problem, you will be arrested, interrogated and prosecuted in the court of law for money laundering.

We may also get the financial action task force on money laundering (FATF) involved if you do not follow our instructions. You are also advised not to get in contact with any bank in Africa, Europe or any other institution, as your fund are here now in the United States of America and can be delivered to any country of your choice once you secure those required documents.

Yours in service

Agent John Edward

Regional Director

Federal Bureau of Investigation

E-mail:agent.john_e0001@superposta.com”

If you wish to pretend you are me (or in fact anyone since the email was apparently sent to many addressees) and contact John Edward, please go ahead. You never know, this might not be a fantasy.

Here is another email that came my way today. Do I have mug tattooed on my forehead? It amazes me that these people send out all-but illiterate emails and expect a response. But then, I guess they do receive replies otherwise they wouldn’t bother. I have not altered anything:

“Hello,

UTL, premium quality materials commerce company, is currently searching for administrative support/sales support employees in the UK.As for the work you.ll have to manage certain daily or weekly tasks and projects pertaining to the sales support in the USOptional Working Conditions: UTL offers unique working conditions and significant bonuses for seekers who had/have experience of running their own business.Your duties will include:- Provide assistance to the Sales Dept.- Process data and manage reports- Manage correspondence,

process purchase orders etc.    Working Schedule: Full-time8 hours a day or

Part-time3 hours per day working hours available. Your timetable is up to you.

    Remuneration: For both part-time and full-time positions we provide fixed salary $450/week . part-time and $850/week full-time + you earn 5% commission

successful contract    Location: This is a work at home/virtual office

position. All correspondence is managed online.    We require: To get started

you must have a PC or Laptop with pre-installed Microsoft Office software and Internet Connection. In case if you have a previous working experience in similar to managing/customer support field then it will be your advantage over

other applicants.     Further Hiring Process: If this job seem to be

interesting for you, please send us your actual CV. In case if your resume will be approved we.ll contact you within 2 days and offer to go through a paid trial period. . By the end of the training period, the supervisor can recommend further employment, extension of trial period, or termination. In case if you have any questions about the job, please do not hesitate to ask:

christofer.ticks@gmx.com

Thank you,UTL Team

christofer.ticks@gmx.com”